COWARD

Coward

I am a terrible
coward.

As a soldier,
I killed people.

Since then.

In the end,
I shot myself.
Since then.
I have killed
other people
& myself
with a gun.

Since then,
I've been
a coward.

The bullet tore
through my brain
& my skull cracked open.

As a soul,
I watched myself
bleed to death
and the torn brain.

Since then,
I've been a coward
& a man, too.

That doesn't
fit together.

And yet
I have to
live with it.

It's not a story
& in another life
all this happened.

Now I'll let
myself be killed
when it comes
down to it.

And I'm afraid
of that,
because it's
too soon for me.

Because I have
yet to begin.

To live.

What do I want
to experience?

That everyone
loves everyone!

That will take
another 1,000
lifetimes!

But only now
am I aware of it!

I'm afraid of
forgetting it again,
that my emotions
will sweep me away,

that despair

will kill me again.

And that I'll experience
it a thousand times.

And that I'll go through
life again & again
with this damn fear
& the handbrake on.

Like a minefield.

And everyone
is an enemy.

And I'm
freaking out.

No!

Stop!

Professor TiFtOf is a recovery coach, creative mind, and observer of the human soul. Born in the Rhineland, he currently lives in Westphalia and is dedicated to exploring isolation, healing, and inner transformation. Fluent in English, he publishes texts that oscillate between poetry, prose, and existential fragments, combining intuitive insight with precise reflection. His work explores the subtle energies between body, mind, and creativity—always with the aim of guiding readers to a deeper awareness of themselves and the world.