GOODBYE

Goodbye

Remember when the sun used to glisten in our honey-colored eyes?

When we used to run around fields and mud paths?

We share our family history

Is it hard to say goodbye?

Each day, I grow more fond of who we used to be.

Like diamonds in the sun,

The memories glistened brightly and bold.

A happiness that fills us.

But all I see is darkness, shadows moving by.

I am walking, blinded by his rage. My rage. Our rage.

I am leaving, I am staying. A never-ending decision.

I see nothing but feel everything.

I must leave. I must.

The world around me has started to crumble.

The shadows overtake me.

Consume my very essence.

Did I walk too far?

Or did you run away from me?

Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of you.

Are our memories the same?

Are they bitter for you too?

Remember when mom used to chase after us?

When the days were short and the nights stretched long?

When we knew nothing better,

Remember…

Remember?

When I was there for you

And you were there for me,

Were you there?

Is it a false memory?

Here we are today,

Understanding two different versions of what our world is.

Maybe it is not you who sees it bitter, but me.

Perhaps I was blind and couldn’t see the good in their hearts.

Was it the Monster?

The one who would crawl out,

in summer and winter?

The one that made us cry

But mom was of no help.

Sometimes she even laughed.

Did he drag you with him?

Or did he trap me?

It feels like he took you away.

Or have you always been this way?

I fear that the darkness consumed you,

In a different manner than me.

Where are you now? I am in a dark place.

Consumed by memories and by pain.

Picking at scabs that should have healed long ago.

It was hard saying goodbye.

I must part ways with you.

I understand that we were never friends.

Despite the blood that runs in our veins.

You leaned on me,

I leaned on whatever my imagination could be.

You had me

I had me.

I’m ripping those false memories and letting the truth settle.

Goodbye, I say to you,

May we never cross paths in our lifetime.

I hope the world flourishes around you and with you.

I hope that love and light continue to follow you.

I hope that pain never reaches you.

But most importantly,

I hope you know I cared for you.

I loved you

I was so young, dumb, prone, and naive back then.

Reading novels, believing what they said.

I wrote you a letter with my nice pen,

Every second of the day was filled with dread.

That dread turned to fear, I knew your response

Without you having to say anything else,

You didn’t feel the same; it felt like heavy rocks.

I cried night and day until I felt unwell.

I continued to have strong feelings for you,

Three years after you did not return my love.

No matter what, I could not forget you.

But after some time, my heart had had enough.

But today I no longer feel that way.

And for your happiness with her, I pray.

Dear J,

It’s funny how fast time goes,

Even when in the present, it seems so slow.

I thought you’d be the one,

Ever wonder what it could’ve been?

I think I should've kept it all in.

I should've kept that crazy poem to myself,

Placed in a box on the top shelf.

Never to be read, never to be heard of.

Yet, the boldness in me kept edging me on.

So on that faithful day, I gave it to you.

Alongside said poems, was my heart as well,

And as nice as you were, it still returned to me,

Unwell.

I can’t say how much I cried,

Or how much pain I felt.

It was so long ago that it’s all silly to me now.

A little piece of history, that-

Sometimes I laugh about.

I never thought I would move on,

I didn’t know I could at the time.

My heart was so attached,

To a super nice guy.

Maria Rodriguez is a graduate of Western Carolina University. Maria was born in Mexico and moved to the United States at the age of ten. She quickly fell in love with the English language and the art of telling stories.