GUESS WHO'S LOOKING FOR YOU?

Keaton’s excitement grew the closer he got to his friend Zita’s place. She and her roommates were throwing a house-warming party that Friday night, and Keaton hoped to see many buddies from high school and college, including several not seen in years. Lost in an unfamiliar neighborhood, the twenty-six-year-old tried an old college trick when he stopped the car, rolled down the windows, and turned off the radio. Sure enough, he heard the distant beat of loud music, smiled, and simply followed the sound. His smile widened before a slew of parked cars and young people in the driveway and back yard of a fully lit home – in more ways than one, he mused.

Walking toward the house, he was greeted by many school pals. It heartened him to be far from the only one still in their university town.

Soon Zita came out of the carport to give him a hug and kiss.

“I knew you’d show up, shug,” she exclaimed.

“Of course, I would,” he replied. Admiring her in a new blue dress, he added, “And Mr. Kenny is one mighty blessed gentleman.”

“Aw, aren’t you sweet?” She beamed. “That deserves another hug, sure enough, and I’m gon’ be sure and remind my man of that too,” she remarked as she embraced him again. “Oh, and look what I’ve got, sweetie. Your ginger ale.”

His face lit up. “Thank you, precious. Now folks won’t be trying to shove beers at me all night and ask why I don’t drink.”

“I’m just the hostess who thinks of you the mostest,” she remarked. “Where’s Miss Janessa? No trouble in Paradise, I hope.”

“Oh, no. She’s just visiting her folks this weekend. Unfortunately, she’d already committed to going home before she got your invitation. But she sends her best regards,” he reported.

“I totally understand. Things have been so hectic with the move and everything that we were really late getting out the invites. Now if you’ll please excuse me, hon, I need to welcome some more folks, but I’ll see you later, love.”

“Thanks, babe.”

Keaton then noticed his high school classmate Huey standing before him with a grin. Keaton had long been jealous of his old pal for appearing utterly laid back. In fact, he had never seen or heard of Huey studying or making much effort toward anything, and it was quite a surprise when he graduated from the university. That his degree was in “Leisure Studies” seemed entirely apropos. Though Huey had never struck him as particularly handsome or charming, he had always been amazed at how successful Huey was with the ladies, apparently his proudest achievement.

“Huey! How goes it in horny Hueyville?” Keaton shook his hand.

“The hound dog’s been on the hunt and has met with considerable success.” Huey reported with a raised beer.

“Uh-oh. Everybody lock up your daughters.” Keaton chuckled. “Dating anybody steady?”

“Ain’t got time. These women won’t let me. I tell you, there’s entirely way too much demand. Hell, I’m just trying to accommodate as many as I can.”

“Good Lord, Huey. You got an agent or something? You sound like you should be a professional escort.” Keaton laughed.

“Hey, now that there’s something to think about, sure enough. Why let the chicks have a corner on that market?”

“So how does a working man like you accommodate all these women? Your house must be some kind of a revolving-door love shack.”

“Shoot, half the time we don’t even make it home. Yeah, with my latest lady, I punched her ticket in Grandaddy’s Camero behind the Piggly Wiggly.”

“Touching.” Keaton remarked.

“With the one before her, I checked her box in the balcony of the Downtown Dixie Cinema.”
“A matinee or evening show?”

“Shoot, matinee, of course. It’s way too expensive at night.” Huey looked at him as if the question was absurd. “Then, with the one before her, I laundered her shorts in Tranquility Grove Cemetery. And if that gal didn’t wake up the dead that night, nothing ever will.”

“You’re just an incurable romantic, Huey.”

“I aim to please.”

“And really cheap dates too, no?”

“Can’t afford pricey ones, bro. My hip gets to hurting something terrible if we go to one of them high-priced chow joints or a show. You go down that road and pretty soon we’re talking real money.” He smiled as he slapped the wallet in his back hip pocket.

“I still envy the heck out of you, man. Must be mighty nice amidst all that sugar and spice.”

“Well, it’s a heavy load but somebody’s gotta’ bear it,” he declared, hoisting his beer.

Keaton wandered around the back yard waving at and chatting with a variety of friends and acquaintances. It was a comfort that most seemed to be doing well and a revelation that a few had started families of their own. But it was sad to learn how many lives had already hurtled off the tracks into a swamp of drink, drugs, or divorce, and often all three. Also sobering was how rapidly several classmates were aging and putting on weight. But he tried to stay positive.

Suddenly, Zita’s hand was on his shoulder and she wore a serious face. “Guess who’s looking for you, sweetie?” Her eyes widened and lips tightened.

“No idea,” he replied.

“Don’t look to your left, but it’s Lyric … and she’s alone … and she’s been drinking.”

He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled as Zita put her arm around him.

“Want me to steer her away?” she asked. “I couldn’t not invite her as long as we’ve been friends.”

“No, no. I totally understand. It’s no problem.” He sighed again and looked at the ground. “It’s my problem. This was bound to happen and I’m sure it’ll occur again. So I just need to man up and deal with it. I’m glad Janessa’s not here.”

“Um-hum. Ditto that for sure. Well, I just wanted to warn you. Now you be sure and let me know if there’s any trouble and I’ll talk to her. It’ll be all right. She doesn’t seem angry at all. Especially since Ray ain’t with her and she’s by herself, I’d say she’s hoping to hook up with you.” He raised his head to the stars, shook it, and sighed. “Now, Keaton, you know I love Lyric, and Lord knows that girl and I’ve been through a whole lot together. But no matter how sweet and sexy she comes on to you,” she tapped her finger into his chest and squinted her eyes close to his, “you just remember how she cheated on you and all that hurt she put you through. You got a great thing going with Miss Janessa. So don’t you dare blow it, you hear?”

“No way,” he declared while vigorously shaking his head. “Thanks, Zita – a lot.”

As soon as she turned to welcome new arrivals and he veered right to avoid the person he least wanted to see, he heard his name called and instantly knew the voice unleashing a flock of butterflies in his stomach. It was a strange mix of dread coupled with undeniable excitement, and he resolved to avoid a public scene, as well as any seduction.

“Keaton!” Lyric called again a few feet away with her hands behind her back, head lowered, and large puppy dog eyes aimed up at him. “How’s my sweet Keatty?”

“Okay,” Keaton answered turning to her before remembering to smile. “How goes it?”

Her black hair was fuller, curlier, and longer than when he last saw her in passing two months before, and adorned with a hot pink flower above her right ear just the way he loved it. She also filled out his favorite red halter top. She even wore the turquoise belly button ring he used to kiss, above the white shorts and long, tan legs he had stared at so many times. At the risk of flattering himself, he figured her entire look was chosen just for him. At least there would apparently not be another argument. But this is worse, he reasoned. If she got angry again, he could just leave. But now he sensed that he might face a tipsy, highly emotional, and self-pitying former girlfriend intent on winning him back. Keep thinking of Janessa, he repeated to himself emphatically.

Lyric looked at him with a slowly growing grin. He could not help but smile and admire how extraordinarily attractive he still found her, in spite of everything.

Emboldened, and with a canny intuition he respected and feared, she clasped her hands in front of her and stood on her toes.

“I need a hug,” she said in a meek voice with an exaggerated pout, blinking eyes, and a little smile, relieved he was no longer too angry to speak to her.

“All right.” He laughed out of nervousness, relief she was in her sweet mode, and resigned respect for an ace manipulator. If his public strength was academic success, hers was her fine looks and savvy sense of exactly how to use them.

They embraced and he luxuriated in that perfume he adored the most but would not get Janessa for fear it would remind him of Lyric. Am I an egotist or did she completely plan this for me? He wondered. But he also smelled alcohol, as if the gorgeous girl of his dreams was now poisoned. When she would not let go of him, he began to worry that others would notice and word could get back to Janessa. Worse, he felt himself aroused.

“Folks will start to talk, Lyric.”

“Let ’em!” she proclaimed and pulled him tighter. He wondered if he would need to wash his shirt to get rid of the smell of perfume and booze.

“I ain’t ashamed of who I love,” she told him with her chin raised defiantly a few inches from his face. He felt his body tingle and recalled the thrill of their first kiss before an image of Janessa appeared and he gently pulled away from her.

“I appreciate that, Lyric. That’s very kind—”

“It’s not being kind. I’m just telling the truth,” she interrupted with a sad but hopeful smile. “You look good, Keaton, and I like how you’ve let your hair grow out.” She smiled as she ran her hands through it. “I told you how much better you look when you don’t cut it so short. Now you finally listen to me.” She cocked her head with a mischievous pout.

“Thanks. You’re certainly as stunning as ever,” he said and immediately regretted it. What would Janessa say if she heard that? he asked himself.

“Aw, big thanks, my sweet Keatty. I’m glad you still notice … and care.”

He swallowed, smiled faintly, and looked at the ground, knowing she could tell how nervous he was, a state she loved to manipulate.

“I’ve missed you, sweetheart, more than you’ll ever know,” she said in a softer, plaintive voice as she put her arms around his head before he quickly removed them. He reminded himself he was no longer as shy and malleable as he was a year ago when she burst into his life like a tornado.

After loudly sighing and looking away, she turned to him again and asked without affectation, “Tell me true, Keaton. Have you missed me?”

He blinked and was touched, despite his pride not wanting to admit such to her of all people. It was a revelation to be so moved by her in spite of all the tumult she had inflicted on his heretofore predictably stable universe, culminating in a deeply hurtful betrayal that upped his anti-depressant pill intake. The dosage had only recently been reduced now that he was so pleased with his new relationship with Janessa. Yet he was overwhelmed at how the woman who hurt him more than anyone could still fill him with that drowsy, dreamy feeling that life could somehow be wonderful.

After all the times he had rehearsed at length precisely what he would say to Lyric should she ever try to talk with him again, he suddenly felt too tired to recite all the things she deserved to hear. Instead, he recalled the long break-up letter he sent and just yearned for peace to prevail. Life felt plenty hard enough without additional conflict, and he was startled at the allure his ex-girlfriend continued to hold for him.

“You still have some warm feelings for me, Keatty? I meant it when I said how sorry I was about the way things ended between us. I never wanted that to happen. I swear.”

“Oh, it just happened, did it?”

“I’m sorry, babe. I really am. I so wish I could take it all back. You have no idea.” She looked down and then back into his eyes. He thought she might get emotional and her glassy eyes told him she had already had who knew how many beers. Not wanting an argument, especially when she was too vulnerable, he tried to be magnanimous, reminding himself that her cheating may have been a blessing enabling him to be with dear Janessa, the best girlfriend he had ever known, even if Lyric remained the most enticing and exciting.

“I know,” he responded, hoping to preclude any tears, especially in front of others.

“Really?” She looked at him surprised. “You forgive me?”

Recalling all the times he had asked that of a parent or friend he had wronged, and the acute anxiety of waiting for a reply, he sought to comfort her.

“Yes…. I do. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me.” He sighed and looked down before meeting her eyes. “You may be a lot of things, Lyric, but you’re not mean. I know you’d never want to hurt me, and I hope I’m not mean either. So I certainly don’t want you to feel guilty or beat yourself up about it. I—”

Her eyes welling with tears, she embraced him again.

“Oh, baby, you have no idea how much that means to me,” she declared. “I’ve felt so badly about how I treated you. You didn’t deserve that, especially you, the best beau I ever had. Oh, you don’t know what a big weight you just lifted off my shoulders, love.”

To avoid a maudlin scene and worried how powerful her pull over him remained, he desperately sought to turn down the emotional volume.

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” was all he could think to say as he gently tried to untangle them.

“Can we please talk?” She looked at him desperately with tears in her already cloudy eyes. Eager to avoid any more public discomfort, he relented, though he fretted it may have also been at least partly due to desire.

“All right, but not here. I can barely hear you with all the music and chatter,” he noted before seeing Zita several feet away. Asked if there was someplace quieter they could go, she took them into the house and led them to her bedroom where Keaton was relieved to see a sofa. As Zita closed the door, he thought she gave him another look of fair warning.

When Lyric moved toward the bed, Keaton quickly sat down on the sofa and she did the same, one foot under her thigh. She looked into his eyes and held his gaze. It both touched and unnerved him that she was reading him, all the more so since she knew him very well. In the nine months they were a couple, he had opened up to her like no one in his life, not even any psychiatrist. He felt emotionally naked before her and hoped she could not tell how much he still desired her. He also sensed she was fully aware of how much it meant to him to play the strong man comforting a lady in distress.

“I’ve wanted to talk with you for so long, Keaton. You’ll never know how many times I started to call or text, but figured you might be with Janessa and didn’t want to risk causing any trouble.”

“Thank you, Lyric. That was mighty thoughtful of you and is much appreciated.”

“So have you?”

“Have I what?”

“Have you missed me?”

He feared she would cry if he said “No,” and he just felt like being honest.

“Sure.”

“Aw…. That makes me feel so good.” Already sitting closer than he wanted, Lyric took his hand in both of hers, prompting his chest to tighten at the thought of Janessa’s reaction and what she might very well soon hear from other partygoers.

“Lyric, I appreciate how sweet you’re being – truly – but I’m super uncomfortable just being alone in the same room – bedroom – with you.” She put her hands to her mouth to stifle a laugh. “I keep thinking how Janessa would feel if she could see us, and how I’d feel if the roles were reversed. And exactly how do you think Ray would react?”

“I don’t care. He can go screw himself. I’m better off without him.” She looked away with a scowl.

“Yeah, easy for you to say. He’d just break up with you, but then maybe come beat me up or even shoot me. Have you seen his gun collection?”

“You worry too much, Keatty.” She laughed. “When you were with me, you said yourself you stopped fretting so. I even got you to stop seeing that stupid shrink. Yeah, just think of all the money I saved you with that.”

“Sure, and then add all the additional shrink visits and increased prescription bills since you betrayed me with a life-long friend – excuse me, former friend.”

“I’m sorry, Keaton,” she declared as her shoulders slumped. “I truly am. Oh, how I wish I could take it all back and make it up to you, babe. I really do.”

“Care to help pay for the therapy sessions and prescription bills since you left me?”

“I would if I could afford to,” she looked at him and squeezed his hand. He realized how hot and sweaty he was, and noticed her long-nailed, elegant fingers caressing his hand.

“You’re letting me hold your hand,” she said hopefully with a slight smile that grew as she lowered her head in front of their hands to look up at him, prompting Keaton to smile and quickly look away.

“I still think someone has some feelings for me,” she stated with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m a mix of emotions.” He sighed. “I admit it. What do you expect of me, Lyric? We were together for nine months in the most intense relationship of my life. It was quite a roller-coaster ride, good and bad, and now my super pretty ex who left me suddenly swoops back into my life all lovey-dovey holding my hand and appearing to want me back. I don’t know what I feel, Lyric. What do you want from me?”

“First of all, I didn’t leave you. You broke up with me. I was forced out of your life—”

“Because you slept with one of my best friends!” he exclaimed before looking at the bedroom door to make sure it was closed.

“I know,” she said in a lower tone. “God knows how many times I’ve replayed that in my mind and wished it never happened. But it did.”

“There you go again with that it just ‘happened’ routine. You made it happen, Lyric. Or did he rape you? And if he did, then how come you’re still with him three months later? Huh?”

“No, he didn’t rape me,” she said softly, looked down, and sighed. “But like I told you, I was drunk, and you know how I lose control when I drink too much.” She looked up again, defiant and pleading.

“Like tonight? Now? What would Ray say? In fact, exactly what do you want, Lyric. I don’t under—”

“I want you, dummy. Don’t you understand? Stop thinking so much for a change, Mr. Smarty Pants, and just feel. I got you to do that a lot more when we were together and you said many times you were the happiest you’d ever been. We can have that again, Keatty. I’ve learned my lesson. Please believe me. I have. I screwed up – literally, I know.” She rolled her eyes. “But I did and Ray’s a mistake who I never would have stayed with if you’d somehow found it in your heart to forgive me. And I know you had every right to leave me and I likely would’ve too but I don’t want Ray, baby. I want you. I always did. You always told me I was the best gal you ever had. Well, you’re the best boy I ever had, and by far. I want you, back, Keatty. We can make this work. I know we can.” She squeezed his hand.

Despite all the logical counterpoints his head wanted to make, he felt his heart melt and turned from her gaze and their hands to look at the wall. Was I too harsh judging her for a single one-night stand? He asked himself. Perhaps Ray was never really a real friend at all to have done what he did, and maybe he did take advantage of her drunkenness. Could I have over-reacted? Yes, Janessa’s been lovely, but I never felt so alive and confident and … happy as I was with Lyric – at times.

“Deep down, I know you still want me,” she said with a growing assurance that made him cringe at an image of a heartbroken Janessa. Desiring Lyric but desperately not wanting to hurt Janessa or himself in the long run, he recalled Zita’s warning and tried to steel himself against any seduction.

Suddenly the bedroom door opened and a giggling couple they did not recognize appeared.

“Get the hell out!” Lyric shouted, startling the guests who quickly shut the door.

“It’s okay, Lyric. They didn’t know anybody was here,” Keaton said getting up to lock the door.

“Bullshit! They saw a closed door with the light on inside.”

“It’s all right. Let’s forget it, and the door’s now locked.” He sat back down and she enveloped his hand in both of hers again.

“I still love you, Keaton,” she said. “In spite of all the bitterness of the breakup and all the hurtful things you said in that letter that made me cry so.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you had every right to write that and leave me, but I’ve had three months to think about everything and I’ve realized for a long time that hooking up with Ray was the stupidest, worst mistake of my whole romantic life, and I just so want you back, babe, and I’m a better person now.”

“I appreciate that, Lyric, I really do. That’s very sweet—”

“I’m just telling the truth, love,” she said with a raised voice while shaking his hand. “I still love you, Keaton. Do you still love me?”

He looked at the floor and then the walls. She started to smile at him and then the smile left but would come again.

“I still have strong feelings for you,” he finally mustered and her smile returned. “Is it love? I know I felt more intensely for you than I ever have with anyone else and, it’s true, I’ve never been happier than when I was with you – at times. And I am grateful to you for that, Lyric. I know I definitely still care about you and would help you if you needed me.”

“I do, baby, and I can make you happy again too. I know it. I’ll be a more mature, better babe.” She grinned at him. “And you’re still letting me hold your hand.” She winked and giggled.

He could not help but chuckle and look at her, shaking his head at her now cocksure expression. Suddenly he felt her bare foot moving up his leg as a sly grin graced her face.

“Bet you and little Miss Janessa’ve never had the kind of sex we had, huh? Now tell me true, Keatty.”

At the mention of Janessa’s name, a light switch came on and he removed Lyric’s foot, prompting her to frown and sigh. Consumed with guilt, Keaton reminded himself how, though he had been with Janessa less than two months, the relationship had been truly lovely, refreshingly free of all the sudden explosive mood swings, tears, bouts of anger, drinking, and betrayal scarring his time with Lyric. Though not nearly as thrilling as Lyric – who was? he asked himself -- Janessa had been the least stressful girl he had ever dated, she had done far more than anyone to help him recover from his heartbreak, and he was now overwhelmed with shame for teetering so close to succumbing to Lyric’s wiles. If I betray Janessa now, then I’m no better than Lyric and Ray. He winced.

Wanting to shift attention from himself, he looked at her again.

“You would betray Ray?”

“For you, hell yeah, ’cause Ray’s a mistake and what we’ve got is something really special. You’re the love of my life, Keaton, and you know I’m the love of yours or you wouldn’t be here. And now you’re letting me hold your hand again. You do love me, Keatty. I know it.”

“I probably do.” He started to say more but stopped and just looked at her with what struck her as a resigned expression. She still smiled and rubbed his hand.

“Thank you, Keatty. You’ve always been honest with me. And as hurt and angry as I made you, and as proud as you are, I know that wasn’t easy.” Her smile became a grin and she moved forward to kiss him but he pulled away.

“What’s wrong?”

“You broke my heart!” The words flew out like a knee jerking from a doctor’s tap. He hoped he had not hurt her, but his head told him she needed to hear it, especially if she really wanted honesty, something he had learned the hard way was critical in a romantic relationship. For once, she said nothing. Finding the silence unbearable, he spoke.

“So what’s wrong with Ray anyway?”

She blinked. “We’ve got issues.”

“Well, I have a pretty big trust issue with you.”

Pausing and looking away briefly, Lyric sighed before squinting at him. “I swear I’ll never cheat on you again, Keaton. What more can I say?”

“What difference does it make what you say, Lyric? You’re just going to do whatever you want. You always do, however you rationalize it. You don’t remember telling me how you cheated on all your other boyfriends too, but I was somehow different and you’d never betray me?”

Her shoulders slumped and she looked at the floor, exhaling with a frown.

For a second, he thought of Huey and wondered if he was actually being a self-righteous, major moron for turning down the chance to be with his voluptuous dream girl again. Then he recalled what his brother said when consoling him after the terrible breakup: “Good-looking is an ice cream cone on a hot July afternoon.” Janessa was not in Lyric’s beauty league, but she was many lengths ahead in so many more important respects.

“Lyric, I won’t deny I still love you and care about you and will help you in any way I can. But as remarkable as our time together often was, I just don’t think we should date again. You know I’m an anxious depressive who doesn’t handle stress well and … as awesome as our relationship could be, there was a heck of a lot of drama well before the breakup.

“Now I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’m telling you because I care about you, Lyric. I still think you may be manic depressive or bipolar and that getting diagnosed and treated could be such a Godsend for you. You also need to stop drinking. You know that better than anyone. In any event, I just desperately need stability, and my time with Janessa may not have had the highs that you and I reached, but it’s the most even-keeled relationship I’ve ever had, and she really rescued me when I was mired in a whole heap of hurt. I’m sorry if this is painful, Lyric, and I’m sorry if … sitting here with you and letting you hold my hand has led you on. But I can’t betray Janessa and break her heart. I just can’t. And I know this way is better … for everyone.”

He had often looked away to avoid her sad countenance and he dreaded seeing any more tears, but now forced himself to face her, squeezing her hands with both of his.

Lyric had listened intently, her eyes never leaving his, and her face was blank. After a pause, she spoke.

“Are you saying your relationship with Janessa is better than ours was?”

He stared at her and found that he could not look away. Desperately not wanting to hurt her but determined to remain honest and not give any more mixed signals, he at last answered.

“I’m just saying it’s … healthier for me, babe. I’m sorry. I mean you nothing but the best.”

She began to cry and did not hide her tears. Keaton embraced her and she sobbed on his shoulder. He stroked her hair and rubbed her back, rocking her slowly and telling her everything would work out. He had done this many times after she had worked herself into an emotional frenzy, often accelerated by alcohol. He would be left emotionally exhausted and then amazed at how quickly she usually bounced back. But this time felt worse.

Between sobs, she tried to speak. Each time he told her it would be okay.

“I’m just sick of my life being such an endless damn bumper car game and always ending up losing everyone important to me. I try so hard, Keatty. I’m a good person. I don’t understand. I’m so lonely.”

“You are a good person and it doesn’t have to be this way. You can get help, Lyric. You don’t have to fight whatever’s ailing you alone. You have a lot of friends willing to help and I’m one of them.”

They held each other a long time until she stopped crying.

“Here,” he said handing her his handkerchief. “Now it’s almost completely clean. Just avoid that corner there.” To his great relief, she chuckled and hugged him again before blowing her nose and wiping her face.

“There.” She smiled returning the handkerchief. “Now it’s completely smeared with snot, tears, makeup, and mascara.”

He gratefully chuckled, relieved the tension had plummeted at last. No longer fearing he might cheat on Janessa, and too drained to socialize with other party guests, but wanting to help his ex, he decided to take her home, recalling how some of the few times she would follow his lead came after a good cry.

“I’m taking you home now, babe,” he said standing up and extending his hand. Her eyes widened and she smiled broadly.

“To put you to bed,” he stated, prompting her to laugh.

“Wow. I shoulda’ cried when I first saw you, Keatty.”

“Ha, ha. You know what I mean. You’re upset and you’ve had too much beer to drive. So you can ride with me and I’m sure Zita’ll return your car tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Keatty,” she said softly while getting up and hugging him again. As they walked out of the bedroom she tried to hold his hand but he quickly raised it to pat her back. They told Zita goodbye and walked to the street. When Lyric started to stumble, he held onto her arm until they got to the car.

“Aw. You still open the door for your old girlfriend.” She smiled.

On the drive, she stared at him. When he turned to her, she smiled and kept looking.

“What?” he asked.

“I miss how you always held my hand when driving.” He looked at her and smiled. “We did lots of other things in this car too.” She giggled.

“All right. Enough. Let’s please change the subject.” She laughed and looked ahead.

It struck him that this was their quietest car ride but he was not unnerved by the silence, confident they both felt better and he was doing a good deed.

When they pulled up to her apartment, the thought of an angry Ray crossed his radar.

“Ah, is Ray here?”

“God, no. You think I’d let him live with me?”

“Okay. I was just checking to see if I needed to make a fast getaway.” She chuckled and smiled at him.

“Well? Aren’t you gonna’ tuck me into bed?” She laughed when he raised his eyebrows. “Then at least walk me to the door.”

“It’s right in front of you, Lyric.”

“So? Then that’s the least you could do. Don’t get all aloof with me, Keatty. Hey, am I still the only one who calls you that?”

“Only you….” He sang the opening words to the 1955 Platters song, prompting a big grin from Lyric.

Walking the few steps to her apartment, he recalled doing so on their first date when he kissed her goodbye at the door and she pulled him inside to stay the night. He marveled at all they had been through since then before realizing this was the first anniversary of their initial date. Should I say anything? he asked himself. Did she remember and is that why she made such a play for me tonight?

When she unlocked the door, he could not help himself.

“Lyric, it just hit me. You know what today is?”

“No. Should I? What?”

“It’s the anniversary of our first date.”

Her eyebrows jumped as her mouth fell open and her hands rose to her cheeks. “Synchronicity, baby! That’s why I was jonesing for you so all day. Wow. Thanks for telling me, Keatty.”

“I’m kind of hurt you didn’t remember.”

“Well, come inside, babe, and let me make it up to you.” She winked and opened the door wide.

“Thanks.” He chuckled. “I should head on. But I truly am glad we saw each other and I do feel a lot better and sure hope you do too.”

“Yeah, me too, and I do. Thanks, Keatty.” They hugged and he let go first.

“No goodbye kiss?” She cooed with a flirty grin.

He smiled and hugged her tightly, holding her for many seconds and lifting her off her feet before waving goodbye.

“That was your best one yet, babe,” she pronounced.

When he cranked up the car, he saw her looking at him through her front window. He was a little disappointed she did not blow him a kiss. But she waved before closing the curtain.

He sighed deeply heading out the parking lot. What a night, he reflected, as a mix of emotions followed him home. He definitely felt better about Lyric and no longer dreaded bumping into her around town. It was a genuine comfort not to be so angry at her, and he was relieved she was not upset with him either. He also acknowledged what a rush it had been to be pursued by her.

But did I act honorably? he asked himself. Though he resolved to tell Janessa about seeing Lyric and that they talked and he drove her home, he knew he would never divulge that they held hands, that he told her he still loved her, or a lot of other things said. Nor would he acknowledge how aroused and tempted he was. Though he harbored some guilt, the night felt good on the whole. I neither slept with nor even kissed her, and despite considerable temptation…. Yeah, but I still held hands with her and hugged and held her a lot. How would Janessa feel if she knew that, and why won’t I tell her? How would I feel if she did and said the same things with her last ex?

He pondered some more. I definitely feel some real closure with Lyric, like I can finally move on without looking back with so much regret. It’s a relief to be friends with her like with my other exes. Janessa wouldn’t begrudge me that. She’s friends with some of her exes too.

Though somewhat ambivalent, he felt pretty good about his conduct, some inconsistencies notwithstanding. Remember what so many therapists have said about how “Life is messy” and “Perfection is neither the goal nor remotely attainable.” Yeah, and maybe I’m the one rationalizing now.

However conflicted, since he neither felt the knot in his stomach nor the tightening in his chest that came with strong guilt, he concluded he could live with his actions that evening.

He also looked forward to Janessa returning to town Sunday. It was as if he had finally closed the most thrilling but chaotic chapter of his life, and he relished his new girlfriend’s reliability and lack of drama even more.

He sure would have plenty to share the next time he saw Dr. Konigsberg.

Dr. Douglas Young is a political science professor emeritus who taught government and history for over 33 years and whose essays, poems, and short stories have appeared in a variety of publications in America, Canada, and Europe. His first novel, Deep in the Forest, was published in 2021 and the second, Due South, came out in 2022. His first book of essays, This Little Opinion Plus $1.50 Will Buy You a Coke: A Collection of Essays, appeared in 2024.