LAST DAYS

Day One

I am writing you now, my love, not as a dead man, but one who will surely die very soon. I know what you would have told me. “I told you so”. Well here I am, under a tree, cold and awaiting my slow and sure death. I do however, reserve the right to explain to you how I got here, for the only thing I really have now is time. Fredrick marched us through that old forsaken forest towards silver claw. Capturing this town is in itself a near impossible task, with all its fortifications and magic barriers. Fredrick however, decided to make our lives even harder by going through terrain that is unfamiliar to any of us. Granted, he believed that any other road would be covered with scouts and ambush, but what he was ignorant of, is that we fell right in the enemy’s trap. They knew, or according to my interpretation, someone told them about our plan. Thus they hailed upon us like a storm of blades and spells. We were marching in a single line, and they attacked us from all flanks. Oh if you would have seen me, my love. Like a Homeric hero, I burned many to crisp with my wand and slashed dozens with my sword. I am nicknamed the spell slinger for a reason you know. But alas, I took an arrow to the knee, and that is when the battle turned to the enemy’s favor. Blood was everywhere, death covered the air, and we were defeated. That coward Fredrick managed to escape with a small force, but I could not run. Do you remember that invisibility powder you gave me? Well, it was time I made use of it. Thus, I crawled under this very tree and waited for the battle to be done. Everyone is dead I tell you, everyone. Well, what is done is done. It is a good thing I still have my pouch and my rod for tonight. One will provide me with some bread, and the other will keep me warm. Goodnight.

Day Two

It is morning now and my leg is completely numb. I tried to pull the arrow out last night but it seems to be stuck in the bone. Do you remember how we always talked about camping and sleeping outside? At least one of us kept their promise. Oh come on some humor before death is a good thing. Our lives are so full, so busy that we forget to remember. It is as if we let go of our memories. When was it the last time you just sat down and remembered a good thing that happened to you? We tend to only remember bad events, embarrassing situations, and whatever made us angry, but we never remember what made us smile. We always live in the moment, or thing tirelessly of the future, as if we have any say in it, but we never remember the past, as if it is not ours anymore. Well, sitting here forced me to remember, as it is the only thing I can do. My whole memory feels like everything that happened to me, occurred in single time, a single blink. I cannot seem to divide my memory and spread it out. Do you remember how we first met? You always sat in front of Master Garen’s class. I never felt you were ever approachable to tell you the truth. You have a striking, almost biting beauty to you. Like an eagle, always serious, always focused. No one knew however, that inside that hard skin, is a soft, tender, and caring soul. I knew I needed time to crack that hard shell however, so I used the slow burn method. Slowly learning your passions, your music, and your values. That one fateful night at Mr. Morison’s mystery shop sealed the deal for me. You love spending hours in that shop don’t you? Fiddling with magical objects and illusions. I am fortunate that Mr. Morrison saved the last bird box left. I insisted that when the time comes, I will be purchasing that specific box. I know how much you love canaries, so that night when I saw you there, I quickly pushed through the buyers and went directly to Mr. Morrison. “Give it to me now!” I said. What you do not know, is that I imbued the box with a conjuration spell. The surprise on your face when you opened the box and a real canary flew out of it is engraved in my mind. What is more engraved however, is the way you looked at me afterwards.

Day Three

I do not have much bread left. I think it will last me until night time. On the other hand, I woke up to a pleasant surprise today, for I made a new friend. Granted this will probably be the shortest friendship in existence because of my present and unfortunate circumstances. A beautiful black owl with golden feathers is standing right in front me. I know how much you love birds. What is more amazing however, is the fact that it keeps flying away and bringing me twigs and small branches. Not only that, but it placed them perfectly on top of each other to make a small fire. I used whatever is left of my rod to light it up, and I now have a small fire for me and my little friend. It is looking at me in a strange manner however. It looks depressed, regretful, as if it was my friend for years. You know, being stuck here made me notice the beautiful things in life. The rising sun in the morning, the sound of the leaves rubbing on each other when wind blows by, and even the spiders weaving their webs. It makes you think what life is about. I don’t think the spider cares for my problems. It is busy making a home, trapping flies and the like. It has its own world in the trees, its own enemies, its own ambitions. We tend to think we are the center of this universe. What are we compared to bigger things in life? We live in a small country, in a small world, in a small galaxy filled with millions of worlds just like our own. We might just be the spider to a bigger purpose in this universe. Maybe the spider is right in its existence. We however have stained our purpose with desires, lust, envy, and ambition. For what? So we can want more? As if these things will make us immortal or satisfied. We get what we desire, just so we can want more. Surrounding our life around the things we want, and thus enslaving ourselves to them. These things dictate how we feel, and how we react. If we gain them, we gain short lived happiness, and when we lose them, we gain another building block of anger and anxiety.

Day Four

I am now officially out of food and water. I think I made a bad turn at night which causes the arrow to dig deeper and create a bigger wound. My leg is now profusely bleeding. You know, last night was the first time I actually prayed. It is funny how we forget completely about god most of our lives, but remember him only when we need him. If I were God I would just ignore people like me. What kind of a bastard ignores God all his life, until he is in dire need of him. That is if he is actually there. You know, some actually say that God abandoned us. That is definitely what I feel right now to tell you the truth. You would think that I might find God in a place like this. No distractions, no noise, just me, my owl friend and the trees, but no. If anything, I think you find God in chaos, and noise. In the streets of Hammerville, in the markets of Davenhall, and in the gossip of the academy. Who said God should represent silence and peace. If anything, God is in humanity, which is in itself not silent, not organized. There you can find your soul and God. You know, I am slightly mad at him. Although we never really met eye to eye, especially in some of his creations, with the likes of Tyron walking about, I do think I have been a decent person most of my life. I mean, why would God would plant the seed that would eventually grow into someone like Tyron? What reason is there to make the vilest and obnoxious human ever? Remember when he used to use the flammable skunk spell in the classroom every morning? We would spend hours waiting outside just so Master Garen could cast an anti-spell in that hellhole. Well, maybe he was slightly funny. Oh who am I fooling here? I do not think I am going to heaven, if there is one that is. I have been trying to remember the good deeds I have done in my life, and I am not sure I have done enough. Well, I guess I will find out real soon. I am not really afraid of death. When I die I will be rid of any anxiety about death, for I will not remember that I have died in the first place. I will be rid of the pain in my knee, the hunger in my stomach, and any desire I might have. Death is nonexistent, for it is only a moment, what happens afterwards is complete freedom. It is that moment that I fear to tell you the truth. Knowing that I am about to die, looking around me and knowing I will lose everything, and not knowing what comes afterwards. That moment alone is what I fear. Enough of death however, for my owl friend did another extraordinary deed. It flew off and brought me a water pouch. Granted it’s almost empty, but it is a nice deed none the less. A last hurrah. It might have stolen it from some wandering merchant, or probably just took it from one of the dead corpses.

Day 5

I should tell you the truth, my love. As I believe this is my last day on this earth, I shall be fully transparent with you. My reason for abandoning the academy and joining Fredrick in his conquest was not only for glory, and adventure, but because I needed to run away. When you told me that you are pregnant, I was mortified. I felt like a huge rock rested on my chest. Imagining how my life will become, the responsibility I will have, the restraints that will be enforced upon me made me terrified to my core. I could never imagine myself as a father. I do not want to worry over another human being, to love another human, for I only had enough love for you. I am afraid to care and love something so fragile, just because I can lose it so quickly. I am also afraid to lose myself, and who I have become. What will I have if I become a father? I will lose myself, and will become a slave to another being. This is why I ran away. I felt that years of conquest and battle, years away from you and the little one will help me breathe, and help me retain myself. I felt like if I spend enough time away from home, I will have enough left to give you and the little boy. Oh how mistaken I was. The moment I stepped foot in Fredrick’s camp, I knew that life is not about whatever situation I put myself in, but about family, home, and love. What have I done to myself? I left the only person that I ever loved, and a boy that holds my name for the illusion of freedom. I have learned that freedom is inside your mind, your decisions, and with the people you care about. After our fight I guessed that you would not want to see me again. I am sorry for letting you down, and I beg whatever God there might be for forgiveness. Well, at least I think the owl forgives me, for it is sleeping next to me tonight

The end

I am dying, and I am scared. I, I don’t know, I don’t want to die all alone. I am writing to you know with whatever is left of me. Oh my god, I don’t want to- I just want to go back home.

The owl, It is you. My love, you came searching for me. I am sorry, please take my hand, I don’t want to die alone. Yes- Thank you. It is you, I know it, I feel it. I love you, and tell my little Azir, I love him too.

Alaa Mounzer is a short story writer who found a love for writing and fiction in the most unlikely of places: Lebanon, a country riddled with war and corruption. This environment indirectly gave the younger generation a medium to express their thoughts and creative ideas through the magic of writing and the escapism in fiction. His experience in theater, such as the locally successful 1975-2019, which dealt with the different ideologies of the Civil War, allowed Alaa to tap into various mediums of self-expression. This, combined with an initial love of fantasy, motivated the young writer to both read countless works of fiction and write many short stories. With that said, “Last Words”, which deals with a dying sorcerer’s journal to his lover, tackling questions about god, honesty, fear, responsibility and love, is the second short story the writer tries to publish.