POLICE REPORT
ALM No.94, October 2026
POETRY
POLICE REPORT (1)
Name: Paula Aaron
City: Newcastle-Upon-Tyne
DOB: 17/12/1972
Employer/School: Finlays Retail
Complaint Against: John Yeoman
Suspected Crime: Hostage-Taking
Date: 02/09/2026
Time: 10:10
Location: 202 Sackville Rd.
Statement:
Squeal bores into kitchen wall.
Triple whoomphs – pin-drop hush.
Rasping door frame.
Purling sobs.
POLICE REPORT (2)
Name: Mayor Abraham Majid
City: York
DOB: 05/02/1962
Employer/School: City of York
Complaint Against: Reginald Best
Suspected Crime: Art Theft
Date: 04/08/2026
Time: 03:40
Location: 12 Graingerville
Statement:
Chihuahua in squiggly impasto
Heels to an unrecognised bigwig.
Gilt keeps moonlight fidgety
‘Till small hours,
Conspicuous through plate-glass.
POLICE REPORT (3)
Name: Tom Brayson
City: Durham
DOB: 30/12/1970
Employer/School: Serco
Complaint Against: Roger Valentine
Suspected Crime: Sexual Misconduct
Date: 07/08/2026
Time: 09:08
Location: His Majesty’s Prison, Durham
Statement:
Negate roses but condoms…
Flaring lust.
Unbuttoned regulations for poppet,
Quivering eyelashes.
POLICE REPORT (4)
Witness Name: Jennifer Blun
Town/City: Newport
DOB: 07/08/2015
Employer/School: Ceders Academy
Complaint Against: Thomas Rickards
Suspected Crime: Mass Murder
Date: 11/08/2026
Time: 13:04
Location: Ceders Academy
Statement:
Youth’s bloom triggered.
Flesh scraps litter gymnasium,
Gore slosh.
Ever after flinches.
POLICE REPORT (5)
Witness Name: Jo Spoors
Town/City: Bristol
DOB: 20/03/1950
Employer/School: N/A
Complaint Against: Rygel Thompson
Suspected Crime: Attempted Child Rape
Date: 13/09/2026
Time: 08:50
Location: Stump’s Park
Statement:
Gag, tethers, cosh.
Seesaw flops to halt.
Leaf downdraughts from bough.
Corgi yowls into privet.
In 1998 Christopher Barnes won a Northern Arts writers award. In July 2000 he read at Waterstones bookshop to promote the anthology 'Titles Are Bitches'. Christmas 2001 he debuted at Newcastle's famous Morden Tower doing a reading of poems. Each year he read for Proudwords lesbian and gay writing festival and partook in workshops. 2005 saw the publication of his collection LOVEBITES published by Chanticleer Press, 6/1 Jamaica Mews, Edinburgh. On Saturday 16Th August 2003 he read at the Edinburgh Festival as a Per Verse. Christmas 2001 The Northern Cultural Skills Partnership sponsored him to be mentored by Andy Croft in conjunction with New Writing North. He made a radio programme for Web FM community radio about his writing group. October-November 2005, he entered a poem/visual image into the art exhibition The Art Cafe Project, his piece Post-Mark was shown in Betty's Newcastle. This event was sponsored by Pride On The Tyne. He made a digital film with artists Kate Sweeney and Julie Ballands at a film making workshop called Out Of The Picture which was shown at the festival party for Proudwords, it contains his poem The Old Heave-Ho. He worked on a collaborative art and literature project called How Gay Are Your Genes, facilitated by Lisa Mathews (poet) which exhibited at The Hatton Gallery, Newcastle University, including a film piece by the artist Predrag Pajdic in which he read his poem On Brenkley St. The event was funded by The Policy, Ethics and Life Sciences Research Institute, Bio-science Centre at Newcastle's Centre for Life. He was involved in the Five Arts Cities poetry postcard event which exhibited at The Seven Stories children's literature building. In May he had 2006 a solo art/poetry exhibition at The People's Theatre.
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