WORD SALAD

I said, "This horse, sir, will you shoe?"
And soon the horse was shod.
I said, "This deed, sir, will you do?"
And soon the deed was dod!

I said, "This stick, sir, will you break?"
At once the stick he broke.
I said, "This coat, sir, will you make?"
And soon the coat he moke!

Unknown

Language is one of the most intriguing and bewildering of all Human faculties. Every people and culture have developed their own tongue. And we are charmed and captivated by the diversity, but we recognize a fundamental structure which underlies them all – whether they be Slavic, Asian, African, Semitic, or Romance, etc. While these languages may vary in cadence or force or musical tone, each conforms to the rigors of a linguistic structure.

Recall, if you will, your first foray into learning a foreign tongue. You earnestly study grammar and vocabulary and eventually master a degree of fluency. Yet there remain expressions and informalisms which elude you. Indeed, there will be peculiarities of any language, irregularities and inconsistencies of the vernacular which only a native speaker can comprehend. The English language for example is replete with such oddities of speech – it is a virtual potpourri of slang, and jargon, irregular forms and idioms. Consider also the cultural curiosities, wherein, for example, English speakers in the U.S. have adopted wildly different colloquialisms than those employed in the U.K.

It is intriguing to note, that to the same degree that America is the assimilation of a myriad of cultures, our indigenous tongue – American English – is equally a smorgasbord, a mélange of words, phrases, and grammatical “common usage” from various cultures and origins.

If we consider the multiplicity of foreign contributions and their influences on our speech, and if we also take into account the diverse geographical regions composing our American society – each with a different “accent”, and a distinct patois – it boggles the mind.

Though America encompasses a land mass many times the size of the numerous countries constituting Europe – in which each nation “babbles” in its own tongue – it is truly impressive that a land so enormous and so diverse , smoothly accommodates communication from coast to coast, from city to farm, in the same lingua franca. From this perspective we can better appreciate and enjoy these numerous and multifarious variations in oddities, and argot from place to place that keep us baffled asking why we say what we do …. and how we know what we’re talking about!

One oddity of the English language is its spelling. Remember that G.B. Shaw was famously vexed by spelling. English inconsistencies in the spelling of phonetically similar words were his favorite conundrum; and, indeed, to remedy this scandalous state of language, he left a sizeable trust to those scholars who might be brave enough to tame the naughty tangle of the English alphabet. Even William Shakespeare on occasion made fun of the disparity between the spelling of English words and their pronunciation. Add to this the Grammatical inconsistencies in English and we have the perfect set of ingredients which are bound are sure to bewilder a non-native speaker.

But truly the idiom is the especial jewel of any language. It is the idiom that illustrates the civilization that generated and incubated the tongue; idioms bespeak the temperament of the peoples themselves who use it. From Dixieland to Yankee New England, from the Canadian border to the Florida keys… American idioms, jargon, and slang reveal the myriad linguistic origins and sundry regional influences, and this American dialect is our cohesive heritage, even in the midst of ever-growing diversity.

What a wonderland awaits us, if we only pause to explore the familiar idioms of our singularly rich cultural and regionally varied palaver.

A newcomer might be puzzled by the expressions “spill the beans”, “bite the bullet”, “climb the wall”, “hit the nail on the head”, or “a piece of cake.” And they are apt to wonder why we say, “a fancy get up,” “coin a phrase,” or “break the ice.” And why, the tourist might ask, do the expressions “buy the farm,” “give up the ghost,” and “kick the bucket” all mean the same thing? Then, there is that curious turn of a phrase – “I’m pulling your leg.” Or “by hook or by crook” !

And what of the colloquial oddities – such as “I’m fixin’ to cry,” or “trying to take a cold,” “from here to Timbuktu” (or Canarsie, for that matter), “right as rain,” “two hoots in a holler,” and “ballyhoo!”

Why does a “shin dig,” or a “hoe down,” mean a big “to do”? Why aren’t “in-laws” just reformed “outlaws”?

Let’s peek closer at the splendid delights of our uniquely American tongue, that mystify the foreign visitor, beleaguer the schoolchild, and keep us all wondering “what in tarnation” are we “flapping our gums” about?!

Consider the prepositional anomalies alone: why for instance, do we say it’s “up” to you, but we tell “on” somebody? We tune “in,” and we polish “off”; we can be close “up” while we carry “on”, but get tired “out”… Kid’s stuff, right? Penny Ante. Small potatoes.

And just think of all the things you can be “at.” At odds, bay, ease, large, or at your wit’s end! (Are you there yet?)

How about all you can “make” – whether it’s up, over, good, the grade, or a racket.

You can take “off”, take “up,” take “out,” take “over,” …. or take “it all in stride.”

Whether “on” the loose, a spree, a lark, a roll, a high, or just on strike…

You may be in time, in a pickle (or a jam, hot water, or a stew), in due course, in trouble, in a blink (or a quandary, or a rut), in the red, or even in “the pink”.

That leads us to wonder how we can be “tickled pink”? Maybe once… in a “blue moon”.

And when did “blue blazes” come to mean “the Sam hill”? Then there’s blue chip, blue beard, and blue blood.

We have golden years, and white lies; there’s the fair-haired boy, a white elephant, a green horn, and a red herring.

And now that we’ve mentioned animals! Hold your horses! we've got a whole menagerie of expressions: does a grease monkey have an uncle? or just a wrench?

Ready? There’s a barrel of monkeys and monkey business; a lame duck, a swan song, crocodile tears, a cheshire cat smile, and two shakes of a lamb’s tail.

Hm? What’s a pig in a poke?

You might be a gadfly, or have a cocktail (like a nightcap, but careful not to get “three sheets to the wind”!)… Anyway, perhaps it’s all “cock n’ bull”.

You might get your dander up or your feathers ruffled, someone can get your goat, or you can get your goose cooked.

You’re a silly goose if you grouse or carp or “bark up the wrong tree”!

You have your dog days, and you can be the “pick of the litter” (but that’s like the “cream of the crop”). You can be “down in the mouth”, “lop-sided”, “in the catbird’s seat”, or “in hog heaven”.

If you’re living “high on the hog”, you can “put on the dog” and get “gussied up” – that’s like “all decked out” you know, “dressed to the hilt” or “to the nines”!

Which brings us, round robin, to the “whole nine yards”, the “whole ball of wax”, the “whole kit and kaboodle”, the “whole kibosh” (that is, “shebang”); which simply means everything, “lock stock and barrel”. But it doesn’t take a gunsmith to know how to “shoot a picture” or “the breeze”, or “the works”.

Vocations and occupations in turn give rise to a whole “pacel” of slang – more words than you can “shake a stick at”!

From music, we get “for a song”, “toot your horn”, “face the music”, “second fiddle (or string)”, and “the jig is up”.

And not only tailors can understand “fit for a king”, “in stitches”, or “cut from the same cloth” (which is like a “tin type”).

That reminds us of “two peas in a pod”, and other phrases from ranch and farm and country kitchen. We can be “the big cheese”, you can “mend fences, “hitch a ride” from “pillar to post”, be “dyed in the wool”, “make hay while the sun shines”, be “fit to be tied”, be “a shrinking violet”, or “go to seed” (which is, “to pot”).

You might “have your druthers”, but the “proof is in the pudding”. It might be a “pipe dream” and not come to “a hill of beans”, so keep your “irons in the fire” and it might all “pan out”.

You can “throw in the towel”, or be “behind the eight ball” even “at the drop of a hat”.

From card players, we borrow “when the chips are down” and “play your cards right”, keep a “poker face” and “an ace up your sleeve”, “hands down” someone may “call your bluff”.

Nautical and seafaring expressions include “from stem to stern”, “hit the deck”, “batten down the hatches”, “a shot across the bow”, “dead in the water”, “chock-a-block”, “give a wide berth”, “know the ropes”, “keel over”, “loose cannon”… and we can’t forget “posh (port out, starboard home)”.

From cobblers we have “gum shoe”, the old “soft shoe”, and “toe the line”.

No matter what your profession though, everyone “must pay the piper”, you know “cut the mustard”, “make the grade”. All the peculiar euphemisms we have come to use to say “eek out” a living: “bring home the bacon”, “win the bread”, and “make the dough”.

That reminds us of saving money, which is if you’re a “tightwad” or a “fuss budget” you “pinch your pennies” or “cut corners” – you know, “make ends meet”, that is “stretch your dollar” or “tighten your belt”. Otherwise, you’re a “spendthrift” which is a “high roller”.

We might notice that while bankers have holidays, bakers have dozens. That reminds us of different types of folks: there’s the real McCoy, Joe Blow and John Doe, simple Simon, even Stephen, plain Jane, Tom-boy, “every Tom, Dick and Harry”. You can wear “long johns” and sign your “John Hancock”.

Then there’s the “jack of all trades”, the Union Jack, a jack knife, and a jack-o-lantern.

We know about Murphy’s Law, Achille’s heel, the Midas touch, Peter’s principle, and even “Pete’s sake (which is different from “land’s sake”?)

We’ve got a “straw man”, a “front man”, and a “middleman”.

We’ve got a “sad sap” who may be as “sweet as sorghum”, or merely “slow as molasses”.

Of course, there are idioms on body parts: we can be long in the tooth, hang on by the skin of our teeth (or the seat of our pants). We can have a nerve (or “the gall”), or the upper hand, a funny bone, sticky fingers, an itching palm, our nose to the grindstone, or a lead foot!

We can keep our nose clean, be two-faced, or bald-faced liars. We can have two left feet, or a “hitch in our git-along”. There’s the “upper hand”, “hand over fist”, and “sleight of hand”…

You can say things “tongue in cheek”, or stand there “with your teeth in your mouth”.

But, no matter, most folks can’t “put their money where their mouth is”… well, because that’s where their foot is!

Of course, American English is resplendent with “oddball” expressions: thinga-ma-jig, doo-hickey, watcha-ma-callit, gadzooks, lollygag, and hornswoggle (which is like hoodwink).

There’s helter skelter, topsy turvey, druthers, gumption, hunky dory, and upsy daisy.

But more reasonable curiosities, not quite out of left field, include “willy nilly”, “tall tales”, “soap box”, roust-about, blunderbuss, humdinger, “by jiminy”, head honcho, the nick of time, rain check, p’s & q’s, up to snuff, upper crust, salt of the earth or salt in the wound, apple of one’s eye, slow poke, laughing stock, goof off, or a gallivanter.

That reminds us of all the other foreign slang: like cahoots! Or hooligan, hoi paloi, conniptions, shenanigans, gusto, sympatico, credenza, bistro, buffet, sabotage, a la carte, déjà vu, faux pas, carte blanche, pie’ce de resistance, coup d’etat, RSVP, hors d'oeuvres, fiasco, ennui, innuendo, persona non grata, incommunicado, etc….

With one final fond glance, let’s muse over classical and historical references.

From Aesop’s fables, we get “sour grapes”, “cry wolf”, and “cry over spilt milk”.

From mythology, we know about Pandora’s box, nose to the grindstone, tantalize, sirens, Trojan horse, and stealing someone’s thunder.

From military history we get the Waterloo, the Alamo, turncoats, and the Rubicon.

And allusions from the Bible are countless, but some include “raising Cain”, the Golden Rule, the Good Samaritan, a “doubting Thomas”, and … “by the Book”.

We are charmed. But we remain baffled.

Though a “joint” is a “dive”, that doesn’t mean it has water – even if it’s a “pool hall”.

Even when life’s a bowl of cherries, sometimes “it’s the pits”.

And it’s too bitter to swallow, it may drive you nuts anyway!

So, whether you beg the question, kick the can down the road, or hold your tongue: whether you fly off the handle, or even give a darn tootin’, here’s “the rub”: when the jig is up hedge your bets, pay the piper over the long haul and “mosy”! or, “get out of Dodge”. Or, in tall order, take it on the lamb, then you’ll be “in the swim” (or in the thick of it).

But “do tell”! if all this “jabber” don’t put a “bee in your bonnet” (or send you off with a flea in your ear), you may just enjoy the excursion!

Idioms and quaint colloquialisms treat us to wonderfully exotic new linguistic feasts.

Let us enjoy the delicacies set before us. Bon apetite!